Getting Railed in Scotland

The Train from Kings Cross to Edinburgh is slightly over four hours: Let us conjure pictures in our head of a sleeper train with a sharp-witted train conductor handing you your coffee and newspaper as you pull into central Edinburgh saying ‘no hurries on disembarking’. 

Renting a car in Edinburgh to drive through the Highlands: Let us conjure pictures in our head of cruising at 50mph on a lone country road surrounded by forest-green hills and hearing the harp cords of the Dead Poets Society Soundtrack. 

 

 

Neither of these experiences met the delusions of grandeur, however Scotland was beautiful. 

 

After a log train ride, a day of walking around Edinburgh and a nice night in town, it was time to pickup the rental car… If I did not know Easter weekend was the busiest travel weekend of the year in the UK-  I got an education when I saw the twenty deep line at Green Motion Car Rental in the bottom floor of a commercial parking structure. (It is, however, conveniently close to Waverley station) Oh and there was no mobile phone signal. I knew the pickup would take a-while so I left my wife and the two year old back at the hotel to relax whilst I grabbed the car to swing around. I couldn’t leave to call or text, otherwise risk my place in line while anxiously anticipating a late model compact manual. After a two hour wait with my form that stipulated a toddler car seat I was told by the breathless counter-rep there were no car seats onsite. I asked him to say that again after quickly asking to talk to his manager (of course, he was the manager). No car seat would mean no way to get to two separate Highland Hotels, no hotel visits, then just a wasted trip.

 

I was then told to walk across the street to buy a car-seat at John Lewis Department Store… Briskly walking through John Lewis I was told they have models of seats that people order from the floor and receive or pickup three days later. They cannot sell the models on the floor due to any handling liability. Luckily, the very capable guy I talked with said he could sell me a returned model they had, the last one in the store at GBP 300. Amex to the rescue holding onto all receipts to get this expensed from the rental agency ex post facto. Hopping into the trusty Peugeot I then spotted the gas tank nearly empty… was this some bad joke? GreenMotion Car Rental never again…ever. Dead.to.me. (We are still waiting to be reimbursed 10 months later – we had to leave the carseat at the rental agency and they refuse to mail it to us). 

 

From Edinburgh we headed north to Oban – hoe of Oban Whiskey and otters. Traffic en route to Oban was bad. Oban was beautiful especially the sunset, Oban Distillery was killah, and the Waterfront Fish house Restaurant was sublime and kid friendly. Quick note on the distillery, it is not kid friendly, you need to be 18 to visit. I visited while everyone else explored the town, tours are about 1 hour and 15 mins long with a tasting at the end.  We spent two nights in the Perle Oban hotel – highlights included a giant soaking tub and phemonenal views of the Harbour. The location really can’t be beat, as everything in town was walkable from the hotel. We did a boat tour around the island of Iona and were able to see some seals. At an hour long, it was the perfect length, especially when it started to get chilly. You can just pick up the boat tour from the harbour and pay in cash. 

 

After two nights in Oban we headed further north to The Dunalastair Hotel Suites. My wife wanted to book a five star hotel in the middle of nowhere, and yes, it was the middle of nowhere. Highlight of the 3 hour drive was stopping at The Green Welly – it’s definitely a can’t miss rest stop of the American variety. The hotel was outstanding especially a scotch and cigar after dinner. 

 

While our Scottish roadtrip was blessed with sunny skies and amazing Loch views, we pushed it. Our final morning on our way back from central Scotland to Edinburgh in the morning for car drop off and a train ride back that afternoon to London was rough. The crumb-snatcher is fast asleep in her car seat and we are chugging down ‘the carriageway’ at a nice clip. Upon arrival at Edinburgh train station we heard ‘The train is going to be totally full’ of course we pre-booked but this was the Monday after Easter… everybody else had a ticket too.

Fortunately the next words from the train manager’s mouth were ‘As a family with a small child let me sort your seats’ She negotiated us on at a nice table seat near the bathrooms and refused a tip (you can take the man out of America, but you cannot take America out of the man), its people like her that make your day. Sitting across from a friendly young couple who was plied with wine was a bonus.

What we did not anticipate were the loads of others who boarded the train at Berwick, Newcastle, and York that sit anywhere or stand anywhere aisles or next to doors despite hurdling South at 95mph. Literally people camped out in the asiles eating a MickyDs  and watching Netflix. We were stuck with a kid that was not having any quiet time or focused coloring for the last hour of the ride. Even the last ditch Peppa-Pig videos pre-loaded on a dying phone were not enough to distract her from crying and sweating like a demon (this was probably one of the warmest Easter weekends I’ve experienced in awhile)  I crawled over people to change her diaper but even that did not help.

The body language towards us of the woman across the aisle from me was homicidal in aspect as I tried to get my little gremlin to shuddup already… nope, not a happenin daddy. Of course as we finally reached Kings Cross and watched as everybody disembarked with sympathetic looks increasing in ratio to a travellers age, (thank you to the many older couples who said she had done SO WELL on the train, especially within earshot of any of the complainers). As soon as we were off the train and on the platform, and in the breeze, she promptly sat and stared quietly. It’s a tough memory seared into my head and an equally hard and fun jaunt up to Scotland. Glad I reached my sofa well stocked in SingleMalt. 

Note about future train travel *** Max three hours on a train with a kid under five and even that is pushing it. Our fatal flaw was driving for 2.5 hours and then hoping on the train. In retrospect we maybe should have spent an additional night in Edinburgh, but you live and you learn (and warn you not to make the same mistake!)

You can usually pre-book to have a seat with a table on most routes – this is a life saver because it gives you some room to spread out. ALWAYS DO THIS. Some will argue it’s better to sit in a row of two, so you don’t disturb your table mates but you will have no room with a child in your lap.

You don’t want your kid to be a screen zombie, and there are only so many sheep to stare at after awhile, so come armed like you would on a plane. Snacks, (don’t count on the trolley to be running or there to be a snack bar car) sticker books, dry erase boards, and coloring books are winners. I actually don’t mind crayons on a train because with a table you have more space and if they fall off the table the tend to not roll too far.